Thursday, October 20, 2005

Prairie View A&M Student arrested with bomb-making chemicals in his dorm room

Howdy! Let me introduce you to the dysfunctional child of the Texas A&M System. Prairie View A&M is a part of the Texas A&M system but operates completely independently of all the other Texas A&M schools. Rarely does big brother step in to fix the many educational problems with Prairie View A&M. A couple years ago it was noted that 80% of PVAM teacher candidates were failing their exams. They could also use some help with their football team. (Ten straight seasons of losing every single game.) But really, that has nothing to do with this breaking news.

Prairie View A&M Student Investigated by Secret Service and FBI

Prairie View A&M, a quiet part of the A&M University System. More than 8,000 students are enrolled at the university and now one of those students, 30-year old exchange student Okwudili Franklin Aluka, is at the center of a federal criminal investigation.

"The secret service contacted our campus police to let them know that they had allegations that one of our students had been involved with trying to pass counterfeit bills," said Tyra Metoyer, Public Relations Officer, Prairie View A&M University.

Aluka allegedly passed a counterfeit $20 bill while attempting to purchase a gun at a pawn shop in Houston. After searching his room, authorities found more than counterfeit bills. According to FBI spokesman Al Tribble, hazardous chemicals were also found.

A Houston television station reported the chemicals are ones used for bomb making. Tribble wouldn't confirm that, but he did say they were way out of the norm for any household, let alone dorm room.

"The reason the FBI is investigating it is to really found what the nature of the chemicals were and what the intent was and where they came from," said Metoyer.

Aluka was arrested at his on-campus dorm where officials found hazardous chemicals and counterfeit money. Now some students are upset because they say the university should have informed them of the potential danger.

"They should have informed the students. They should have given notice about it, I shouldn't have to find out from television what's going on at my own school," said Alicia Jennings, Prairie View A&M student.

Another student, Jonathan Miller, says he's aware of what's been going on because he worked with Aluka on campus.

"He was a bit of an oddball; I don't know that much about him. I worked with him and he was very quiet, now I know why," said Jonathan Miller, Prairie View A&M student.

Aluka is currently being held in the Waller County Jail without bond. He has attended the university for a year and a half. University officials say he's been suspended pending the outcome of the investigation.

Well, I'm certainly excited for the state of Texas. More publicity and reporters down here means more revenue for the state. Between the evil twin sisters, Katrina and Rita, we've had plenty of media money being spent here. No matter how weird criminals in other states are, Texas is sure to have one or two to match. Now we add Mr. Aluka to our pin up board of Texas weirdos, who seems to think he could single-handedly make a ton of counterfeit money, buy a gun, and build bombs to DESTROY THE WORLD!!!! (cue evil laugh)

Anyhow, did you read that whiny part? How is it that the media always finds a whiner to quote? In the middle of an article about a potential murderer, we get a girl, Miss Alicia Jennings, complaining about the way she found out about this problem. Apparently she heard it on tv - just like you and me. But no, Alicia Jennings is special and insists that all investigation and media broadcasting be postponed so that the campus can distribute flyers or personal telephone calls to each student.

"This pre-recorded voice message from the President of Prairie View A&M is to inform you that we have arrested somebody on campus. This time the culprit did more than just smuggle some beers into the dorm. In fact, what he did was so bad that I've had to talk to FBI and Secret Service. Thankfully they didn't ask about...[beep]

This student, Okwudili Franklin Aluka, had BOMB making chemicals in his room. If he had succeeded, you might be DEAD now. We have no idea where he might have struck. Maybe he would have walked into the student center and blow himself up. Maybe he planned on ending the lives of those quietly studying in the library. Mr. Aluka was known to have frequented those places. We do know that he did not plan to blow the stadium during football season, as the games are only sparsely attended.

The FBI suspects that Mr. Aluka might have been mad at his Chemistry professor who failed him last semester. By building a bomb and blowing up the professor's car, the suspect would have proven that in fact, he did study and learn the Chemistry material. "

Hope you liked my little bit of satire. :)

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