Spangler

This mock letter is from the Asia Times. The author of the article, runs a satirical column called "Ask Spengler". It's old but I don't remember seeing it before.

Dear Spengler,
I have done my best to emulate Yasser Arafat, and all I get for my troubles is a lousy cave in western Pakistan. As the chief executive officer of a global conspiracy to restore the Islamic caliphate, I have had to kill a few thousand people here and there, but Arafat has killed far more people than I have. He is treated like a head of state, while I am hunted like a criminal. Where did I go wrong?
Worried In Waziristan

Dear Worried,
Your error is obvious. Arafat only kills Jews.
Spengler

His other works are just as hilarious.

Dear Spengler,
Recently I became the chief executive officer of the world's largest religious denomination. Some people want me to allow women to become priests, something we have not allowed in our 2,000-year history. Should I permit this?
Ruminating in Rome

Dear Ruminating,
A priest's most important function is to forgive sins. Women never forgive anything.

But fair warning! Spengler tends to insult everybody including Christians, Muslims, Americans, pedophiles, gays, and even Dixie South. In the next sentence he'll defend that which he just put down. His full-length articles are thought provoking, hilarious, and yet down-right serious at times. They are not for the faint of heart.